


Love Means Never Having To Say 'Restraining Order'

by skintightsocks



Category: Glee
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-27
Updated: 2011-02-27
Packaged: 2017-10-21 16:15:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/227134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skintightsocks/pseuds/skintightsocks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"There they are," Finn hisses.  They're crouched behind a cardboard cut out for some Matthew McConaughey movie.  Kurt has no idea why it's even there, since this theater doesn't show new releases, but it's a handy hiding spot, even if Finn is bent nearly in half so he won't be seen.  "They're buying popcorn."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love Means Never Having To Say 'Restraining Order'

**Author's Note:**

> This is a companion piece to "Blame it on the Alcohol," the title is a play on words from a classic line from the movie Love Story.

Kurt's still trying to decide exactly how pathetic it would be to sniff the pillow Blaine had slept on and let himself cry over just how spectacularly he had screwed things up earlier when Finn barges into his room.

"So, dude, are you sure Blaine's gay?" he asks immediately. "Because last time I checked, gay dudes didn't date my ex-girlfriend."

"How do you even know that?" Kurt sighs, flopping back against the rest of the pillows with Blaine's pillow clutched to his chest.

"Rachel posted about looking forward to spending a lovely evening with a true gentleman, and Blaine liked her status," Finn says, rolling his eyes. "Neither of them are subtle."

"And if _you're_ pointing that out..." Kurt says miserably.

"Exactly," Finn says, nodding. "So. What are we going to do about it?"

"What do you mean 'do about it'?" Kurt asks. "Just leave me here to wither and die."

"Since when do you give up, dude?" Finn asks. "They can't do this to us. We have to form an alliance."

"An alliance?" Kurt asks, quirking his eyebrow.

"Yeah, like on Survivor and stuff. It's like, Rachel and Blaine are the hidden immunity idol and we each have a clue but the only way we can find them is if we work together."

"Do _you_ even know what you're talking about?" Kurt asks. "Because I'm lost."

"You like Blaine, right? Like, like like him?"

"I think so," Kurt says, "unless one of those likes threw me off."

"Right, well you like Blaine, and I like Rachel--"

"Finn, you have spent the past few months telling Rachel how much you _don't_ like her. I know because she calls me crying half the time."

"She really hurt me," Finn mumbles.

"You think you never hurt her?" Kurt asks softly. Finn's very much a guy. A good guy, sure, but a guy nonetheless, and Kurt's been slowly trying to teach him to think about other people's feelings every now and then.

"Not this bad," Finn says, his mouth going tight, and Kurt drops it, because he is a good step-brother.

"Okay, so we've established that I like Blaine and you like Rachel," Kurt says. "Was there another part to this immunity alliance... thing?"

"Right, yeah," Finn says, perking back up. "You like Blaine, so you _know_ Blaine. And I know Rachel. So if we put our heads together, we can figure out where they're going tonight and spy on their date."

"Oh Finn," Kurt says, patting him on the shoulder. "Sweet, simple Finn. I already know where they're going. I know so much about it that I've been sitting here trying to talk myself out of stalking them like a giant loser, in fact, which you are not helping."

"Awesome," Finn says, holding his hand up for a high five.

"What part of that is awesome?" Kurt asks.

"Now we're partners," Finn says. "It's not stalking if you do it with someone else. It's just, like, renaissance. Also you're kind of leaving me hanging here, bro."

"It's reconnaissance, Finn," Kurt says rolling his eyes and slapping Finn's outstretched hand. "Reconnaissance."

"Right, that," Finn says, grinning broadly. "So, where are they going?"

-

"No," Kurt says, when Finn comes down the stairs. "Absolutely not. Go change."

"Me go change?" Finn says. " _You_ go change. We're supposed to be spies. Your sweater has glitter on it."

"It's sequins, not glitter. And we're not _spies_ ," Kurt says, rolling his eyes and tugging on the hem of his sweater. "Besides, if I walk into the theater with an 8-foot tall guy dressed in all black with greasepaint under his eyes, we're going to attract some attention."

"I'll change if you change into something without glitter."

"Sequins," Kurt hisses. "But fine. I guess you have a point. Hurry up and go get changed."

"Aww, man," Finn says, heading back up the stairs. "Grease paint takes forever to get off."

"Use that astringent I got you," Kurt calls up after him. "But make sure to use the toner afterward or it's pointless."

-

"There they are," Finn hisses. They're crouched behind a cardboard cut out for some Matthew McConaughey movie. Kurt has no idea why it's even there, since this theater doesn't show new releases, but it's a handy hiding spot, even if Finn is bent nearly in half so he won't be seen. "They're buying popcorn."

"Who's paying?" Kurt asks. He's trapped between Finn and cardboard Matthew, the boy he's in love with is on a date with _Rachel Berry_ , and Finn keeps breathing on his neck. He's had better days.

"Blaine," Finn hisses. "She just touched his arm."

"Tramp," Kurt says, only half kidding.

"What the hell are they _wearing_?" Finn mumbles, and Kurt perks up.

"Lemme see," he says, elbowing Finn out of the way.

"Oww," Finn hisses, jumping and almost knocking cardboard Matthew over.

"Careful," Kurt says, giving it a second before he peeks out at Blaine and Rachel. "What in the name of all that is holy," Kurt says, his eyes going wide. They're dressed up like Ali McGraw and Ryan O'Neal, with Rachel in a white dress distressingly similar to the hideous blue one she'd worn at the party, and Blaine in a chunky cable knit sweater and what Kurt is almost sure are corduroy pants. He's absolutely sure that neither of them had to buy anything new to achieve the looks.

"They're going to get married," Kurt sighs, ducking back behind cardboard Matthew. "They're going to get married and have hobbit children with terrifyingly big smiles who will be born singing showtunes, and I'll die old and alone with cats."

"I thought you didn't like cats," Finn says.

"Not the point," Kurt says. Finn peeks above cardboard Matthew's head, and grabs at Kurt's sleeve. "They're heading into the theater," he says. "Should we go?"

"No, let's wait," Kurt says, making sure the coast is clear before motioning Finn out from behind cardboard Matthew. "If we wait until the lights go down it will be too dark for them to notice us."

"But the previews are my favorite part," Finn whines.

"We're not here for the actual movie," Kurt reminds him. "Besides, they don't have previews, this is an old movie."

"Oh," Finn says, sounding disappointed. "Can we get some popcorn?"

Kurt glares.

-

"I don't think they put the extra butter on here," Finn says sadly, waving a piece of popcorn in Kurt's face.

"If you do not _shut up_ ," Kurt hisses, "I swear I will dump that entire tub of popcorn on your head."

"I'm just saying," Finn huffs. They're sitting three rows behind Blaine and Rachel, and Kurt is doing his very best to notice every little detail there is to notice, but Finn is... Finn. So he keeps saying stuff like--

"Her glasses look like Lauren's, look."

"Stop _poking me_."

-

As far as Kurt can tell, Blaine and Rachel aren't doing anything remotely date-like. There's been some smiles and laughs, but mostly they both seem to be mouthing along to Ali MacGraw's lines. Which, seriously, how can Blaine think he's not gay?

"What the hell?" Finn asks. " _Love means never having to say you're sorry_? Quinn and Rachel made me say I was sorry all the time."

"It's not literal," Kurt says. "It's more like--" A loud, obnoxious peal of laughter rings out loudly enough to be heard over the movie and Kurt snaps his eyes back to Rachel to see her giggling and hiding her face in Blaine's shoulder. "Dammit, hush," he says to Finn. "This was your idea in the first place, and you're not even paying attention to Blaine and Rachel."

"That's because Rachel's using every trick she knows," Finn says, his eyes still trained on the screen as he methodically shovels popcorn into his mouth. "She's flipped her hair," he says between mouthfuls, "and looked up through her eyelashes, and she's turned toward him, and all Blaine's doing is mouthing along with girl in the movie. Rachel's hot, dude, and she doesn't really take no for an answer. If he was interested he'd at least be holding her hand."

"Huh," Kurt says, tilting his head. "That makes sense, actually. It's almost _observant_."

"Hey, wait," Finn says after a second, squinting at the screen. "Why were they fighting again?"

Well. There goes that.

-

By the time Jenny is telling Oliver that _it doesn't hurt, it's like falling off a cliff in slow motion_ , Rachel and Blaine are both covertly lifting tissues to their eyes. He's about to mock them when he hears Finn sniffle beside him.

"Here," Kurt sighs, holding out his handkerchief. "Don't blow your nose on it."

"It's just not fair," Finn whispers shakily. "She was so young. They were so in love."

"I know," Kurt says, patting Finn's arm.

"Don't tell anyone about this," Finn says, a few minutes later, once he's stopped crying.

"Of course not," Kurt says. "As long as you agree to come back next week and see Terms of Endearment with me."

"Is it sad?" Finn asks.

"... Nope!" Kurt says, smiling reassuringly at Finn.

"Deal," Finn says, nodding to himself and reaching for another handful of popcorn.

-

"I cannot believe I am crouching in a _bush_ spying on someone," Kurt huffs. There's a branch poking him in the side, and Finn keeps trying to rest his elbow on Kurt's head.

"Are you sure that's Blaine's car? What's taking them so long?"

"Yes," Kurt says. "I think that's Rachel's dad's sedan next to it. Separate cars is a good sign. Maybe they stayed through the credits. Or maybe they're having a quickie in the bathroom," Kurt says. He's mostly joking about the last part, but then he starts thinking about it and feels a little sick.

"Wait, wait, here they come!" Finn says, excitedly. "Keep quiet."

"I'm not the one talking," Kurt hisses.

"Oh, right," Finn whispers, and then he thankfully falls quiet. Blaine and Rachel are walking side by side, but they're not touching. Their hands aren't even brushing. They're laughing, talking about the movie, and they pause between their respective cars, the laughter trailing off a little awkwardly.

"I had a wonderful time, Blaine!" Rachel says brightly, touching his arm.

"Me too," Blaine says, grinning back. "I just love that movie. Ali MacGraw is timeless."

"She truly is," Rachel says. "I still take inspiration from her for my daily style."

"Oh for fuck's sake," Kurt whispers, barely managing to not yelp when Finn elbows him.

"Well, I should get back," Blaine says, shuffling his feet.

"Of course!" Rachel says, making no move to leave and tilting her head up obviously. Blaine mostly just looks confused.

"He's totally gay," Finn whispers.

"I know, right?" Kurt says happily.

"Well, you drive safe," Blaine says after a moment, patting Rachel on the shoulder. Rachel looks a little confused, then just kind of goes for it, wrapping her arms around Blaine and hugging him.

"You too," she says against his shoulder. "We should do this again some time."

Blaine pats at her back and pulls away, and Kurt can't help grinning when all he says is, "Thanks for the ticket!"

" _Hah_ ," Kurt whispers. "They went dutch. Kind of."

"They're Dutch?" Finn asks.

"No, not-- just be quiet," Kurt says, watching as Rachel shuts her car door and pulls out. Blaine stands there for a second, watching her drive off, and then shakes his head to himself. He looks confused, a little sad, and Kurt feels bad, all of a sudden, remembering how mad Blaine had gotten at him, how hurt. All he wants to do is step out from behind this stupid, scratchy bush and apologize, but he's pretty sure that finding out Kurt had been spying on him wouldn't exactly make Blaine particularly inclined to accept an apology. Blaine gets into his car and pulls out, heading in the opposite direction of Rachel, and Kurt sighs a little.

"This was a bad idea," Kurt says quietly, stepping out from behind the bush.

"Why?" Finn asks, lumbering out after Kurt. Kurt's pretty sure he takes out a few branches on his way. "There was zero sexual tension there. We're both in the clear. Plus we got popcorn."

"You got popcorn," Kurt says. "I don't do melted butter."

"You don't know what you're missing," Finn says, patting Kurt on the back and starting down the block. They'd parked outside of a bookstore a few buildings down. Kurt's Navigator can be kind of conspicuous.

-

"Why don't you want Rachel to be happy with someone else?" Kurt asks later, sprawled across the end of Finn's bed while Finn gulps his warm milk.

"Because if she's not happy with me she should be miserable," Finn says petulantly.

"You don't actually believe that," Kurt says, rolling his eyes. "Despite the way you've been acting lately, I know you're not actually a giant dick."

"Hey!" Finn says.

"Deny it."

"Fine," Finn grumps. "It's not that-- it's just easier this way. I can't be with Rachel if she's just going to try to one-up me every time her feelings get hurt."

"Isn't that what you're doing with Quinn?" Kurt asks.

"Not really," Finn says quietly. "I didn't mean to, anyway. She started it, and then it just kind of. I never really got over her," Finn says. He sounds sad, sad and serious and more confused than usual, and Kurt hauls himself up, sitting cross-legged at the end of Finn's bed and looking at him carefully.

"You have to be honest," Kurt says. "Even if it hurts, or it's scary. I could have saved everyone a _lot_ of heartache last year if I'd just been honest with myself." Finn's face darkens a little, and Kurt didn't actually mean to drag that up. He doesn't want to rehash things with Finn _again_ , not when they're mostly back to good now. "I thought I had learned my lesson," Kurt says quickly, before Finn has time to respond. "But I still just sat around and waited for Blaine to make a move. I built it all up in my head and then I got my heart trampled on again. Repeatedly. But then I was honest with him, and now it's out there. He knows how I feel."

"Then why is he kissing and going on dates with Rachel?" Finn asks, confused.

"Because he's not being honest with _himself_ ," Kurt says quietly. "I don't know if-- I know we're friends. I know he cares about me. But I don't know if he likes me and he's scared, or he really does just see me as a friend. So we're kind of back at square one."

"I thought it would be easier," Finn says, draining his glass and setting it on his side table. "You know, it's like, guys are _guys_ , right? There shouldn't be all those stupid feelings involved like there are with girls."

"Oh Finn," Kurt sighs, standing up and grabbing Finn's empty glass. "So naive," he says, ruffling Finn's hair. "So offensive."

-

Kurt stares at his phone, his thumb hovering over Blaine's name on his contact list for exactly twenty minutes before sighing and grabbing his keys. If he can't be straight - for lack of a better word - with Blaine, he can sure as hell try to make Rachel see some sense. As strange as it is to admit, they've actually become pretty good friends. He likes Rachel, most of the time, and he really doesn't want to see her hurt. Besides, he saw them saying goodnight. That was the most awkward thing he's ever seen, and he's seen Finn dance. There's no way she's still harboring romantic delusions.

-

"Look, we're friends, so I'm going to be honest with you," Rachel says. Kurt smiles, because, this is it. She's going to admit that she was wrong, that the date was terrible and awkward and Kurt has nothing to worry about. "The date was lovely. We saw Love Story at the revival theater, we even dressed up as the characters!" Rachel says, a dreamy look on her face. Kurt feels his jaw tighten.

"That's not gay at all!" he says tightly, trying to keep his voice light. "Didja kiss?"

"No, our lips spent the evening mouthing out Ali MacGraw's dialogue," Rachel says happily. "Frankly, I did expect a little snog as the date drew to a close, but I guess the timing just wasn't right."

"Or the blood alcohol level," Kurt mumbles, picking up another abandoned cup. Honestly, what is going on in Rachel's head that she doesn't realize what a sham this is?

"Look," Rachel says, sitting down on the edge of her ridiculous basement stage. "I know that you have feelings for him and I'm sure you think I'm _crazy_ for asking him out, but Blaine is obviously conflicted and if he turns out not to be gay, well then I guess I will have done you a favor." She cannot be serious. Doing him a _favor_?

"And I'm doing you a favor by telling you that Blaine is the first of a long line of conflicted men that you will date that will later turn out to be only the most flaming of homosexuals," Kurt says, exaggeratedly kind. He knows he's being catty, but Rachel has kind of forced his hand here.

"Blaine and I have a _lot_ in common," Rachel says, starting to sound more defensive than politely apologetic.

"A sentiment expressed by many a hag about many a gay," Kurt says, unable to keep himself from delighting in the frustrated look on Rachel's face. "Look, I don't doubt that you and Blaine would have a _jolly_ good time shopping at Burberry and arguing who would make the better Rum Tum Tugger," Kurt says, ignoring Rachel's huff of a laugh. "I don't dispute that. But there's something you and Blaine will never have. And that's chemistry," he says, nodding sadly at her. He had every intention of being polite, really he did, but Rachel clearly needs some tough love. She'll thank Kurt for this later, he's sure of it.

"Fine," Rachel says, nodding a little to herself. Finally, she's getting it. "Then I'm going to prove you wrong." Wait. What?

"I'm going to take the beer goggles off and I'm going to kiss him sober. And if the spark is still there, then I'm taking you to your bakery of choice for a piping hot slice of humble pie," Rachel says smugly, raising her eyebrows at him. It looks like a challenge. This is not good. Not good at all.

-

"Finn," Kurt hisses, knocking on his door. "Finn, wake up."

"I'm not asleep," Finn calls. "Come in." Finn's lying upside down on his bed, his feet on his pillow, tossing a baseball into the air over his head and catching it. Kurt doesn't understand how Finn chooses to spend his time.

"Rachel has gone insane," Kurt says, huffing and crossing his arms over his chest. "We have to do something."

"Nah," Finn says, still calmly tossing the ball up and catching it. "I've been thinking about it, and you're totally right. I've got to be honest. I've got to tell Quinn she's either dating me or she's not, and I've got to stop being such a dick to Rachel. But I'm not sure if I can do that or not, so I'm mostly planning on avoiding her. Let her date Blaine if she wants. I hope they live happily ever after and have lots of gay babies."

Finn fumbles the ball, and it hits him squarely in the forehead. Kurt doesn't even try to pretend not to laugh at his pain. Finn is the worst alliance-mate _ever_.

-

Blaine texts him the next day, something random about an arrangement for a song The Warblers are working on, but Kurt takes it as the gesture that it is and responds in kind. Kurt doesn't understand why he keeps falling for emotionally stunted guys who make him do all the work. Maybe he just likes a challenge. Or maybe he's just a masochist. At least Blaine's gay. And he is, Kurt _knows_ he is, but he also knows he was a little harsh on Blaine about the whole questioning his sexuality thing. He just didn't realize Blaine was serious about it. Blaine had always been so honest and proud about who he was, and all of a sudden he has one drunken kiss and starts to question it all? It's been weird, realizing that Blaine is a person - a _teenager_ \- and not the perfect white knight Kurt had made him out to be. Weird in a good way, for the most part, but Kurt knows he could have handled things far, far better. He'll apologize, eventually. There's just still the little matter of Rachel Berry to deal with before he can get to the reconciliation step of the plan he'd hastily come up with last night while sitting up with Finn to make sure he didn't have a concussion.

-

 **Step One: The maybe-girlfriend of my future-boyfriend is my friend. Sort of.**

"Rachel," Kurt says genially into the phone. "I feel so bad about the other night. How can I make this up to you?"

-

 **Step Two: Know Thine Frenemy**

"So you said he comes this way at 3:30?" Rachel asks nervously.

"Like clock-work, for his post-rehearsal medium drip," Kurt says.

"I just can't wait to lay one on him," Rachel says a little manically, smoothing lip gloss on.

"I've got a bad feeling about this, Rachel," Kurt says. "I mean, I don't mean to be so cold, but I don't want you to get hurt either." It's mostly true. "There's no victory in this for me either way." That one's only halfway true.

"Who cares about you, buddy?" Rachel says intensely. "I'm going to get a new boyfriend out of this who can keep up with me vocally and in the future give me vaguely Eurasian-looking children."

Well then. There went any of Kurt's residual sympathy for Rachel.

"There he is," Kurt sighs as Blaine walks into The Lima Bean. "Dreamy as ever."

"Okay, wish me luck," Rachel says, not waiting for a response as she hops up from the table and heads for Blaine.

-

 **Step Three: Trust your instincts. And your gaydar.**

Kurt takes a long drink of coffee, carefully training his ears for Blaine and Rachel's voices.

"Oh hey, Rachel, what's going on?" Blaine asks, adorably clueless as ever, and Kurt almost feels bad for him as Rachel launches herself at Blaine's mouth. Almost. Kurt keeps gulping coffee, much faster than he should, just so he's not tempted to cry out in victory. Or defeat. But he's hoping for victory.

"Huh," Blaine says as he pulls back. Kurt can't read his face and he takes in a deep breath. "Yep," Blaine continues. "I'm gay. 100% gay. Thank you _so much_ for clearing that up for me, Rachel." Kurt lets his breath out, slow and satisfied, so focused on his own happiness that he almost misses Blaine saying, "Listen, save my space in line, will ya? I've got to go hit the restroom."

Blaine's going to go reapply his Burt's Bees, and maybe text Kurt if he didn't notice him already here. Kurt knows these things about Blaine, because one day they're going to get married. He's sure of it.

-

 **Step Four: Let's face it, who isn't less fortunate than I?**

Kurt does feel bad for Rachel. He'd feel worse if Rachel hadn't been so... _Rachel_ about the whole thing, but he's not without feelings.

"That was hard, wasn't it?" Kurt asks, hoping his smile comes off sympathetic and not gloating. He really is trying for sympathy.

"Are you kidding?" Rachel asks, looking a little dazed but still positively _delighted_. "That was amazing," she says dramatically. "I am speechless. I just had a relationship with a guy who turned out to be gay, that is songwriting _gold_!" Kurt's a little stunned, and slightly impressed by Rachel's ability to turn everything around into something that benefits her. Kurt should ask her how she does it.

Rachel exhales happily and then stretches up to kiss Kurt on the cheek. Kurt guesses it could be worse. He saw the kiss she just laid on Blaine, after all.

"Okay, I have to go compose, but thank you! Thank you!" Rachel squeals, hurrying out of the door. Kurt shakes his head for a minute, thinking idly about texting Finn to let him know the good news but deciding against it when he remembers Finn's utter lack of help with his plan. Instead he heads for the counter, ordering Blaine a medium drip and a gingerbread biscotti before posing himself casually against the counter across from the men's room. It's time to move on to Step 5: Reconciliation.

  



End file.
